Just A Bit

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Sometimes you just wanna run anarchy with your friends and wreak chaos.

I always feel that adults judge other adults for dressing up. When did an adult make you feel ashamed of playing dress up?

And to be honest I much prefer a good old bran muffin

Remember the silly things you’d do with friends?

This was when we'd go to all you can eat sushi and order 50 mango puddings and hide what we couldn't eat in the teapot

Who doesn't love a taco? Delicious, nutritious, and perfectly portioned.

It's just so difficult to enjoy them without the innards spilling all over the place.

I feel obligated to eat healthily. Vegetables and leafy greens are great, but I'd much prefer to be eating fries and ketchup.

I feel like a rabbit. It's hard to know what's good for your body.

It's interesting how quickly we can feel like nothing. Our headspace can change in an instant, and a challenge looms like a massive obstacle.

But the beautiful part of humans is when we rise to that challenge and overcome it.

I love a bath - it raises your blood so you can come back to your body. And for someone who's in their head constantly, it's a great reminder to get out of your head.

I'm just a huge fan of alliteration and playing with words as though somehow the answer has always been there right in front of your face, and you just needed to re-arrange the words to find new meaning.

Or just nonsense.

Growing up, we were not the richest, and I would make myself cheese sandwiches with Kraft singles. Sometimes I would forget to unwrap the cheese slice. The rich kids would eat poutine, and I would stare up at them in envy.

Now I may overeat poutine.

Yes, I eat at Subway, and yes, I love it, and yes, I may say this all the time.

Because you know what?

Avacado is a good kind of fat.

I loved those ice tea crystals from Costco as a kid. I would sit down in front of the TV and lick my finger and stick it in the tub and scoop up some crystals, and put it right back in my mouth. On top of being unsanitary, I would do this every day.

Sugar was a huge part of my diet as a kid.

I don't know if anyone else gets this, but Zoom or any video conference exhausts me. I don't think it's like "Zoom Fatigue," but I legitimately want to gouge out my eyes. I hate it with a passion. I don't want to see an image of my face or fixate on a snapshot of your face. Connecting to a picture of you is not the same as connecting to your voice. I don't know if anyone agrees with me, but now video conferencing is the norm, and I know it's better to reach out than wall myself.

I have to be okay with wanting to gouge my eyes out on the regular.

In gay terms, I'm an otter: Slender and hairy, and playful. There is a significant typecasting among gay men.

I wonder why that is.

A colleague said this to someone in a meeting and I got triggered by it, maybe because it sounds like what I tell myself. Don’t should others, don’t shit on yourself.

Amidst all my shortcomings, I forget to honor my body. Appreciate the art that I'm able to exist and be here in this moment breathing, seeing, hearing, touching, and smelling. I may only be smelling my farts.

But that means I should grab hold and squeeze harder than ever before.

Dating is exhausting sometimes. So when you are tired, take a break and keep going. You'll find it because it will constantly be changing. And remember, you're never lost.

You're right where you were supposed to be, even if that's not where you were hoping to be.

I love the phrases with a double meaning. To lose one's marble is to lose one's mind. What part of your mind does the marble represent? Your thoughts? Part of your identity?

It's a curious conundrum, but the more I think about it the more mad I get.

I love the phrases with a double meaning. Not having a full deck means you're deficient in some way.

A lot of the time, I feel like that.

I love the phrases with a double meaning. "Its nuts" is such a simple statement that refers to the environment being mad. Do you ever feel the world doesn't make sense every way you try to look at it?

Now, why do nuts represent that? Even more maddening.

I've struggled with IBS for most of my life. It's manageable, but I get flare-ups every once in a while. I wish my body would be okay; still, I'm constantly monitoring what I eat and how it makes me feel. And some things like nuts can flare things up.

It's not great, but it's life.

And sometimes, for weeks on end, all I can stomach is toast and rice.

I miss human contact so I got a weighted blanket, I’m not sure if it’s comforting or just gravity telling me to go deep into the earth.

One thing I do love is baths, it’s calming and brings you back to your body. I forget my body all the time.

In a world where we idolize the extraordinary it’s okay to exist and not be the best.

You are great the way you are

I get so frustrated so I try to look at things from a new perspective.

It’s funnier that way.

I’m learning to drive as a 34 year old and all I repeat in my head is don’t die.

Driving is madness - maneuvering a metal box while accelerating at ridiculous speeds and you’re supposed to not crash?!

When you’re going through tough times some people say you need to be smothered with more love more hugs as though that will fix things.

And sometimes I need space.

I'm a terrible dancer, I want to be fluid but my body will only move so far and

I tend to fixate on beauty and putting things on pedestals when in fact I think I should get my head out of my ass.

It’s pretty dark in there.

We were blessed with some sun today and when the it does come out here it’s honoured and appreciated

My nephew is getting suppositories which reminded me of the time I too was getting suppositories as a kid. I don’t remember why, but I was always shocked how you could absorb medicine that way.

Like I always thought wasn’t I just going to poop it out after?

It's funny how being shit on can mess up your entire day.

Also funny how dramatic I can be.

I did the CrossFit open 21.1 and got 80 reps 🎉

Damn there were a lot of doubleunders which I can't even do without 10 attempts.

I got scoliosis so I constantly feel twisted and awkward. And sometimes it flares up and my back will spasm.

In my 20's I really stuggled with my back and for a summer became immobile from over stretching in yoga. It's been a tough journey and my back will never be perfect but it's functional.

I’ve learned to tend to my hump.

I didn’t set an alarm, missed my morning workout, forgot to put a cup in the coffee machine, and hit the side mirror on the car.

Some days are not yours.

I saw a friend on the street and could not be more excited to do a little dance. Thank you @julie_explores for doing that dance with me

You prepare yourself as much as you can. You practice, you take a course, you meditate and take a breath to calm your nerves and you still fail. It makes you feel like all your efforts were a waste of time

Guess I gotta pick myself up. Booked my second test and will try again. Because all of that work was worthwile.

I did the CrossFit Open 21.2 with 223 reps, just 2 reps from finishing

I started doing hypnotherapy for my IBS, we’ll see how this experiment goes.

Maybe I’ll unlock my subconscious

Yes my dad made this for Naw Ruz. Aparently a common persian dish.

I had a coconut yogurt that kept me up all night. Lesson learned. No Silk yogurt.

Thank goodness I’m single

I’m working on a mascot head for a sexy Pokémon burlesque show with @geekenders and it’s a sticky situation, spray glue is sticky and everywhere.

Let’s hope this doesn’t look like total trash more like trashy

😉

Adding batting to the head to soften my shaping of the foam. Who knew there were so many steps in creating a mascot head?

Did the CrossFit Open 21.3 and 21.4 and couldn’t get past the muscle ups, but I tried

🙃 maybe ill get it eventually

When you get sick of one project switch to another project.

I’m really bad at taking care of plants and part of me just loves watching the decay of a plant over time.

Especially with the monotony of days nowadays.

I’m a terrible person.

When you see someone with amazing taste and want to mug them for their clothes.

I’ve been crying while walking and listening to an audio book.

A little life by Hanya Yanagihara is beautiful

When your bestie beats you at gin again

They have been destroying me at gin. Over and over, but it’s fun, right? It’s fun losing because you got to play a game with your bestie

Goodbye mullet. Hello again fade.

@governmentofbc finally released an easy COVID vaccination registration, thank god I don’t have to talk to a stranger.

Is it just me or do you avoid calling strangers on the phone? I much prefer interacting with a company through digital products.

When your right ear bud starts failing you and you know you’ll have to put them down and recycle. Sigh 😔

The other day a birdie greeted me at the door. I had to say hello

I saw some good ole Canadian geese sleeping on the side walk the other day. It was quite cute

Spring time and baby bunnies are loose around town. So cute.

Then you get rejected after a 4 hour interview, and the world is a bit upside down.

Do you keep all the tabs open and worry you’re letting go something important? I do and realized I might be digital hoarding and scared.

Positive affirmations for mental health because negative self talk can be drowned out with a million positive voices

Sitting in silence for mental health has huge benefits especially when you may feel you are never doing enough. I started my practice up again and find it’s helping a a lot.

I failed my drivers test again. Part of me is so tired of trying and only moving so slowly. Why must it be so hard for a nervous nelly like me? Why can’t I be confident? Why can’t I be cool? I’m so tired of getting no where

... then when you have the strength pick up your feet and take the next step forward

Believe that everything is going to be okay. Because it will.

Even if you don’t know where the fuck you’re going

Most of us are.

It may be cold, but in the unknown, you can find yourself.

Have you tired a float tank? Where you sit alone in water?

It's really interesting - you feel like you're floating in space. And aren't we (the planet) floating in space?

Life has it's up's and downs. Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down.

Maybe it's not about being on top, but being able to enjoy the ride.

Sometimes we get stuck in our head and it's hard to get out when we have to use our own head to get out.

The world can be fucked up.

And at times you don't have the patience.

Fuck it.

When you're hair guy goes too far and you're given a haircut that's unmaintainable at your level of dedication to a morning routine.

It's tough to make a choice. Is this the right choice or is this the wrong one?

Sometimes you just have to make hard choices.

The power of a good hug is profound.

Someone broke up with me - and they said "Don't be a stranger"

It stuck out to me, would we every talk again? Do I want to talk again?

Be a stranger - be strange. No one is watching anymore

And sometimes you just want to be heard.

Happy Mother’s Day! 🎉

Today is my first day at a new job.

Will people like me?

Will I like people?

My favorite Hikaru Utada song because of kingdom hearts.

I played the game a lot when I was a kid.

A fun day at Wreck Beach, a clothing optional beach in Vancouver, BC.

I moved to Downtown Vancouver, BC in the summer of 2021.

I was so excited to move to a place that I've wanted to live in for so long.

The move was long hard and stressful. Even with movers I took on a lot and was exhausted at the end.

Sometimes you get stuck, thinking your problems are the world.

And sometimes you need some perspective.

We are all dealing with something.

We are all struggling.

Living is to struggle.

It's okay to share what you're struggling with.

By sharing your baggage you can connect with others.

Laughter cures.

It moves us and helps us realize the issues that we're dealing with are funny or at least the best way to take it is laugh.

I met someone who was fascinated with what was behind the curtain. Paranoid there is something nefarious behind the curtain.

I think this line of thinking can make you suspicious and struggle trusting.

I got a couch and it came in 18 boxes.... oooooh my and how they all fit together

The puzzle begins.

This new job has been exhausting and overwhelming, but hey it’s hump day, right?

Sometimes you jump in not knowing what the future is in store and sometimes you feel overwhelmed and sometimes you feel like you can’t breathe and sometimes you don’t know how to get out

Just know it'll be okay.

Find your emergency flotation device.

When you feel empty don't fill it with a distraction.

Understand it.

I'm excited to get my first dose of the vaccine.

It's one step closer to seeing people without worrying that you'll kill someone by breathing.

I'm super duper excited to part of this Pokemon themed show by @geekenders

I'll be playing a tan meowth! Why?

Mostly to match my skin color, to give an full hairy cat fantasy.

The show is on July 23 & 24 8-9 PM PST

Damn.

We're having a heat wave.

And I love it.

Yes

I am in a pool of my own sweat.

Crying is normal.

Crying is part of life.

Let yourself cry, there is nothing wrong with it.

What sad movies do you like to watch?

Some stories make us feel so deeply.

The first movie I remember crying was "Little Princess"

I've recently tried advising the marketing team that I don't think it's wise to do a rainbow marketing campaign if there ins't financial or actionable backing on the community.

Afterwards I felt bullied as they continued to push.

I'm trying to stay strong

There is one summer shirt I absolutely love to wear over and over.

It's threadbare and has some missing buttons.

I still love it and love to wear it on hot summer days.

There are distractions everywhere taking your attention and focus.

Have you tired to move through life with more intention?

The intensity of notifications can be a lot

So many things to pay attention to.

So little time.

So what do you want to focus on?

Everything can be a lot

At those times you may feel like you need to push yourself.

But I think those are times when you take a break.

Breathe.

Remember you're alive.

Remember this gift.

Remember you're fine as you are.

Exercise is tough.

When your body does a motion and you don't know what you're doing

There is a moment when you feel stupid, weird and awkward.

And that moment can last forever until you remind yourself you were somewhere else when you started.

Just keep going.

Talk with a friend.

Talk with a counsellor.

Talk with yourself.

It helps to speak a loud and get those feelings out in the open.

I took the test in Richmond again.

I had the same examiner as my first test.

I learned that going over the curb is an automatic failure.

I learned that not holding on the wheel while it's moving is an automatic failure.

I learned I'm still struggling with anxiety.

Notice how you move, are things shakey, is it rough?

Take your time. There's no rush.

A double entendre 😉

We've been dealing with COVID for so long...

And now my social anxiety is coming up in a strong fashion

I'm scared of people.

I'm scared of myself.

Do you take dating to the extreme?

Do you get bored of conversations and just want to fall in love?

Do you just want to speed things up?

Disconnection happens and sometimes it’s not a match.

And that’s okay.

This is the second time for this to happen with paper bags.

Fuck you nature for spilling my poutine all over the street.

...

I should probably just hold the bottom.

We've been having a total heat wave here and it's been brutal.

So much heat is a funny thing and how it makes us almost useless.

Today is my birthday.

It's hard to not reflect on what happened this past year and be hard on yourself.

It's normal to feel like a mess and I love that about myself.

Do you ever feel so much pressure and stress to do things? To achieve, to be perfect and do?

Do you ever feel like you're running?

Do you ever feel like you're running from yourself?

Sometimes you put so much effort in a conversation, keeping it interesting, fun, and engaging.

Sometimes you just need to let that shit go.

And realize there was nothing there.

Too serious? I am! (too often)

I'm grumpy irritable and just don't like anything or anyone. How do I solve that?

Play!

Do something the most silly way possible. Make a game in your head that you're only playing.

Can't get a problem out of your head?

Obsessive?

It's normal I think.

My therapist would be like "be more grounded, be present. focus on your breath"

Money is a hot topic.

But REALLY what's the point?

Have something to say?

Say it sexy.

Thank you @manknitea for the perfect saying.

Sometimes werk is hard and I get tired of not feeling heard and unsupported.

Until another meeting…

I was walking down the street last night and was surprised that someone called me faggot from a car.

And Vancouver pride just around the corner.

My response?

Be louder, prouder and educate more folks.

Share your story.

Yep, now with my eyebrows done I’m finally ready to see people again

Happy Vancouver Pride!

Celebrate you!

Show up for everyone scared to be themselves.

Goodness was I overwhelmed at all the pride festivities, new places, new faces, new questions, and old feelings.

It’s normal.

Take your time.

Take things at your own pace.

And respect yourself first.

Have you ever thought all you were was how nice or attractive you were?

And that’s all you showed and acted like in front of people.

Someone judged me on being basic.

Fuck it.

Be a stupid basic person.

It's the bravest thing you can do.

Meeting new people is tough.

But the strongest way to build trust is setup strong boundaries.

Respect yourself first.

Saying one thing and meaning another.

Sometimes it's best to be honest.

Even when you're nervous in front of someone that you really want to like you..

I was friend zoned by a guy I was into.

We were put on ice.

And it's hard to be rejected.

Featuring Miles Meadows

We had a llama drawing session with Cadbury and they were exceptionally difficult and adorable.

Carlos performing Utada - Simple and Clean / Hikari in my first fully animated and lip synced character!

Phew that took a long time.

LOTS of learning.

Happy birthday to my dearest friend and art inspiration luinova

Happy retirement @brianmgronlund!

I always remember how obsessed I was with your Star Trek bag when we first met at SF Men Knit.

Your incredible fashion taste and wonderful perspective on life.

You are a delight @brianmgronlund I hope retirement is a blast!

To infinity and beyond!

I had a shot yesterday, and I’m still hurting.

This is a reminder to my future self to not break to peer pressure.

Your body will thank you, Shan.

I failed my drivers test for the 4th time.

It’s hard not to be hard on myself, it’s hard being okay right now.

But we carry on and I’m terrified of the next one

Catch Team Rocket hosting Pokémon-a-Gogo!

This Saturday at 10pm at @riotheatre — a full-length burlesque movie featuring your favourite @geekenders performers!

Support local artists!

Veronica Vamp as Jesse, Jayne Fondue as James and Bag Daddy (me) as Meowth

Happy Holidays!

And remember the people in your life are the best gifts

I've been struggling with an oil stain in a shirt.

I think the only route is to burn it.

This valentines day.

I'll be treating myself.